Posts Tagged ‘Tea Party’

A Postcard from Nepal

“Victor!” began the drafted email message that had been sitting in cyberspace, rotting here, waiting for me like a crow carcass left by a loyal retriever. “My long lost friend, how the hell r ya?”

Could it possibly be? The picture could be of him… of anyone… Was this a trick – a lure placed before my hiding place to bring me out of my hole?

Greetings from the Himalaya: Cyrus Lee Hancock

Greetings from the Himalaya: Cyrus Lee Hancock

I had already wandered outside my safe confines to be here. There are many hotels in Central Florida and many of these many have courtesy internet lobbies for their guests. Such lobbies also work well for anonymous conspiracy bloggers looking to sign-in to mysterious email accounts and read the saved drafted messages left by fellow paranoids. Consider my Neverman ass planted in one such lobby. Before me on this day was an unexpected message from beyond that my eyes scanned frantically. At my back the sound of faux waterfall urged my bladder unnecessarily as the high-pitched spiel of the front desk girl bounced off the neo-post-modern retro-deco plastic blocks that made up the computer station. Could it be that what I was looking at was an actual message from Cyrus Lee Hancock?

“Enough of the fucking small talk, mi amigo. The time for my vindication is nye neigh nigh here. I may be hovering over a mud hole where thousands of strained shits have been taken and frozen at 20,000 feet, but I am not too drunk on altitude and the smell of vomited beer to miss the current events taking place back home. That bitch at the IRS is toast. Or as we say in Himalaya, ‘she’ll make a nice addition to a Yeti’s quilt’. Just like a couple of fucking South Africans I buried yesterday. I buried them, Yeti will fucking dig them up, sew them in, just like Sherpa Jerry says. And Sherpa Jerry don’t lie.

“You need to put the word out. Tell my story, hombre. It is time to negotiate; I am ready to come home. But I am not going to acquiesce until I get some guarantees.”

And so it was clear: Cyrus Lee Hancock had re-emerged onto the grid to take-on the vulnerable IRS that had pursued him to the ends and the heights of the Earth.

He listed his demands to reclaim citizenship of the United States:

  1. I want a full apology hand-written by whoever new is in charge at the IRS.
  2. I want the apology framed. A nice frame. No Target bullshit.
  3. I want the next 10 years off from being taxed by the Federales.
  4. I want my bro-in-law pardoned. Actually, I don’t give two shits, but the wife does.
  5. I want February 29th to just be a day that exists every year. I just got my first gray hair and I have only had seven birthdays – leap day blows.
  6. When kids study the constitution and they read about the 2nd Amendment, under ‘Regulated Militia’, I want there to be a picture of me, my guns, my dog and my Chinese stars.
  7. I want the IRS abolished, once and for all. I might be able to compromise on this one. Exile is okay too.

Cyrus Lee finally concluded, “OASIS and the Hancocks have long endured oppression of the Internet Revenue Service the IRS and if our Kenyan leader in the White House does not step down and allow the rule of the people, then it is time that we rise up like 1776 all over again and stop paying the tea taxes and start taking back our rights as Christian human beings. Or, I guess, just ‘Christians’. Isn’t ‘human’ implied? Unless they baptized Yeti. Fuck if I know. Sherpa Jerry would be pissed if he found out, he’s one of them Hindi Buddhists. Anyway, peace bro, CLH out!”

Prelude: the Emergence of Bucky Swoon

No story just exists in a tightly-packaged 26 month vacuum. How did we get here? What was the fallout? How did I, Vic Neverman, become entangled within the paranoid realm of the survivalist apocalyptist, Cyrus Lee Hancock, and the collection of his minions that were the group known as OASIS?

Circa 2011 of the Common Era: I had a fresh sunburn after relocating from Portland, Oregon, to the cheap plastic wilderness of Central Florida. Without the Dude Collective, my Oregonian commune of drunken philosophers, I quickly found myself lost within the twisted façade of civilization that is this tourism mecca. Parallel to the Arabic Mecca, the space rock that landed here that has fanatics circling like vultures is Space Mountain, or more specifically, Disney and the theme parked madness that followed.

A stranger in A Small World After All, I reached and struggled to find genuine intrigue and conflict in a place where it was all manufactured for consumer consumption. I developed a new alter-ego, Bucky Swoon, and infiltrated the Florida Secessionist Tea Party Movement. I spent a lot of time in North Florida. I wore a ball-cap I had to run over with my car several times to create its perfect shape. I drank cheap swill and allowed myself – err, my alter-ego – to be videoed riding a mechanic bull. I grinned and bore it as they made fun of manatees and manatee wake zones.

And then the Arab Spring arrived.

The Occupy Movement would follow.

Prepping for the Inevitable END: Neverman and Cyrus Lee

Prepping for the Inevitable END: Neverman and Cyrus Lee

Bucky Swoon volunteered to infiltrate the Occupiers as another alter-ego (name since forgotten, hard to keep track). I infiltrated. I returned to tell the Tea Party Secessionists about how ridiculous the Occupiers were and how they were led by a lovely dread-locked girl in a Guy Fawkes mask. Meanwhile, I told the lovely dread-locked girl in a Guy Fawkes mask about how I had infiltrated the Tea Party and how ridiculous they were. I was a double-agent. Or triple, since I was really just working for myself.

Bucky Swoon, who is praised for going undercover as an Occupy Orlando activist by growing a beard, wearing torn blue jeans and not washing his hair (ironically, the same way I infiltrated the Florida Secessionists), was presented with a flier to attend an “Anti-United Nations Paintball Rally sponsored by Cyrus Lee Hancock.”

The rest is history. Or at least some of the rest is in the next paragraph.

OASIS and the IRS

Cyrus Lee Hancock and I became fast friends. He saw through the mirage of Bucky Swoon and we came to grips about our antithetical co-existence. We were Spy Vs Spy, White Hat/Black Hat, Jekyll and Hyde… quasi-Canadian gun-enthusiast paranoid (him) and the neo-beatnik pacifist paranoid (me). I furthered my connection by bringing him whiskey on the rare Leap Day of 2012 and by being respectful of his wife, the beautiful enigma that is Layla Santana Crow. Well, I was respectful outside of the debates she and I endured in regards to the existence of dinosaurs. I was, clearly, in favor of the existence of dinosaurs. She, sweet Layla, was not. She, as always, was persuasive, though.

Cyrus Lee Hancock was the purveyor of Hancock Ranch, a survivalist compound where he held corporate retreats preparing suits for the end of the world, or, at least, another Democratic President. Cyrus Lee was also the founder and president of OASIS: the Oviedo Army of Survival, Intelligence and Security. It was a tight-knit suburban commando unit that met every Tuesday night to whatever surprise casserole dish the wives presented. Wine was drunk as preparations for The End were made.

The Future for Cyrus Lee Hancock and OASIS was clearly rooted in The End. Apocalyptoism was all the rage in 2012, especially with an election pending and the hysterical misinterpretation of the Mayan Calendar ending on December 21st. Donations and applications began to pour in from those who wished to join OASIS and have a front row seat to Armageddon from the safety of Hancock Ranch. Cyrus Lee Hancock was to reinvest those funds by increasing his arsenal and packing away enough foodstuffs to feed the loyal survivalist army. OASIS officially filed as a not-for-profit with the IRS as a means to reduce tax payout. Cyrus Lee even, at one point, insisted OASIS was a cult that followed the dinosaur-denying high priestess, Layla Santana Crow, and that the Freedom of Religion should exempt them from having to pay taxes.

Then the Maya Apocalypse occurred.

Post-apocalypse, everyone was pretty much left standing. Everyone pretty much had to go back to work. Everyone pretty much wanted their refund, or at least their share of Cyrus Lee’s arsenal and refried bean collection. Yet, Cyrus Lee Hancock was nowhere to be found. Hancock Ranch had been sold to some Vegan collective from Ohio. OASIS was no more, the Army disbanded with their post-apocalyptic hangover. The IRS arrived, but arrived too late.

The last I saw of Cyrus Lee and Layla was in an Olive Garden. We shared some cold calamari and a lot of salad. It would not be long before these mysterious two evaporated into the mystery dust of the cosmos.

Cyrus Lee Hancock buried his guns away in some rent-a-shed and sent his bride to some Costa Rican nunnery where she could forage with the orphans. His whereabouts were a mystery. A mystery until the downfall of the IRS finally brought him out of hiding and seeking his due justice. Now he wanted his vindication… and a framed apology.

Cyrus Lee Hancock and some Sherpa Dudes in the Himalaya

Cyrus Lee Hancock and Sherpa Jerry and Sherpa She-Bop in the Himalaya

That’s not cynical, that’s pure nut-cutting politics… And I’d advise you stay out of it; you’re too sensitive.

– Hunter S Thompson,

I’m not a politics junkie. The harlot pageantry of presidential campaigning is “reality” television no more relevant than a Kardashian meltdown during a shopping spree. This is not my cynicism speaking, this is my pragmatic sense of reason. Oh – don’t get me wrong: politics is an entertaining money-sport. There are winners, some losers, but mostly winners who emerge glittering of gold dust. There is a lot of money to be made in politics, just as there is in Professional Football. Whether or not Obama and the New York Giants repeat this year, though, will ultimately have little impact on your life outside of office wagers.

That being said, I am a sporting lad. I like to put a few dollars on the races. Right now, baring a leg fracture, everyone should put their money on the Obama horse. Trust me on this – the GOP is pushing out Romney as a sacrificial lamb. Their eyes are on 2016.

“Ridiculous!” you say? Not at all. The GOP is infected with a virus right now. The Establishment of the conservative party has gone into hiding. The surprisingly effective Tea Party movement proved in the 2010 elections that the right-wing rabble was ready to get radical. They didn’t want career politicians – they wanted men of business and of faith to take power. So what do those career politicians from the Right do? They take a step back and wait for the virus to exhaust itself. They push forward the most motley crew of Republican candidates to appease the new movement. The Establishment is selling out in 2012 in order to quell the tide of quasi-patriotism. Romney is not meant to win, he is meant to satiate the mob. Classic bait-and-switch, in order to reclaim the party, the Old Guard is willing to cede to Obama a second term. The Ultimate Truth can be found in the clown car the GOP pushed out for the primaries. Do you really think the Establishment on the Right was playing to win with the likes of Cain, Bachman or Trump? Christie, Rubio and Jeb Bush wisely stayed on the perimeter, not even wanting to taint their own image by being mentioned as a Romney running mate. The fix is in – 2016 is their year.

I am an independent. I voted for Obama and while I do not fault him for the continued debt and the low plateau of the economy, his severe actions using the Espionage Act to suppress whistle-blowers (the previous administration merely growled and grumbled, Obama will bury any internal dissent) and his eagerness to blow-up foreigners with drone raids while posing with a cavalier “trust me, they needed to die” attitude has me wavering in further support. Yet when I look at the options on the right, I am alienated by the nonsensical morality of the Republican Party. I admire what the Tea Party accomplished and what, to a degree, they stand for. I, however, believe in Freedom of Religion… as in I want my government to be free of it.

“Nonsensical morality” a little harsh? In my meanderings in the Florida backwaters this month, I encountered a Tea Partier. She was an intelligent woman, despite the bouffant hair-do reminiscent of her Texas high school homecoming run in 1979, and she believed without a doubt Obama was not born in the United States. She had gotten a whiff of the Birther Conspiracy and the diseased meme had stricken her mind. I attempted to discuss the topic with her. Did she have some proof that Obama may have been born outside of the United States? “No” she shrugged, she just didn’t trust him. Something seemed “fishy.” I referenced the birth certificates put on display, but this evidence, to her, was just proof of a greater conspiracy. What would it take for her to change her mind? She admitted being unwilling to budge. What if a UFO came down and told her Obama was American? She laughed, “nope”. Finally, I asked if Jesus himself rode his bicycle up to her and said, “trust me, Obama is one of us” would she then believe it? “Okay, yeah, then I would.” But how would she even be certain it was truly Jesus? Surely, he wouldn’t have a birth certificate. “Oh, I would just know” she smiled delightfully.

I am not saying those who ride such notions are lacking intelligence, just lacking good sense. Conspiracy theorizing is getting a bad name by being used for political reasons to rationalize hate and distrust. And since the Tea Party is so closely aligned with religion, where blind faith is praised, it is familiar and easy to rationalize ideas where there is no basis for proof. Who needs proof when they would “just know” the truth? Who needs science when we have faith in the words of the ancients?

Now tell me – where is there room for religion in government? Just look at the madness in the Muslim world this month, where gangs of protestors are attacking American embassies because of their intolerance of free speech (though the film that infuriating them is pretty fucking stupid “speech”): religion is the core of their rationalization for violence.

Oh, but I ramble. You will have to forgive me; I spent the day assisting Cyrus Lee Hancock move half of his belongings into a concrete bunker and my hands are torn to shreds. Pounding at this keyboard is sending pangs through my nervous system that is affecting my ability to reason out my argument.

The point is this – the Fix is In. Not that it matters to you or I. Whether it is Obama or Romney in 2012, or whoever is in the pipeline for 2016, your participation in the sport is limited to spectatorship. Think anyone cares if you want to legalize marijuana? Nope. Not when Big Tobacco is paying anti-legalization lobbyists in Washington. Not when Big Alcohol and Big Pharma are paying the same lobbyists to ensure there is no competition in the form of legal marijuana. Not when the Mexican Cartels are paying the same lobbyists to ensure they still control the lion’s share of marijuana revenue. This is American politics.

So Jeb it is in 2016. Or, according to my fellow conspiracist Cyrus Lee Hancock, it will be Chris Christie. Either way, the 2012 election is already in the books. All we have left is the drama of the theater, or the blood of a rigged sport.

Any self-respecting conspiracy theorist will make forecasts for an upcoming year. It takes a theorist with some serious cunning to be accurate and some serious balls to take it public. Should ‘cunning’ be at a lack, it takes a theorist with a high threshold for pain to actually go on and later review the predictions of the year that was/was not.

Welcome to the Vic Neverman 2011-in-Review Predictions Blog!

While I didn’t formally ‘publish’ any predictions around this time last year, the following list would have been the predictions I would have published if I were not so damned busy crossing river streams to keep the scent of the hounds off my ass, or, for that matter, the scent of my ass off of the hounds.

Now you, dear reader, may say “Hey… Vic, how do I know you were actually predicting the below predictions and are not just making these up?” In which case I would respond, “If I were making these up, wouldn’t I have a greater success rate?” Besides, you don’t doubt me when I paraphrase my father’s high school diary…

“Dear Diary… or future son that I will likely name Victor Ulysses after his grandmother and who may find this diary, and then lose it, and then have to guess at what it’s original contents might be… I read that Jack Kennedy is planning to print off money outside of the Federal Reserve. Jeez, the last time a president printed interest-free cash, it was a curtain call for Mr. Lincoln. I don’t see this ending well.”

So in Neverman tradition, here were my 2011 predictions:

1 – Despite whatever Harold Camping says, the world will not end May 21st, 2011. (I nailed this one, though I do recognize the possibility Jesus could have raptured his chosen and left diabolical dopplegangers in their place – VN)

2 – The Bilderberg Group will pick a GOP candidate from amongst the guests at their annual brouhaha to oppose Obama, and thus, hedge their bets that they will still be the puppet-masters of the world. The BG party guest that will run as Republican nominee is Rick Perry. (Fail… but it was looking good for a while – VN)

3 – The NeverBrother-in-Law, a government-contracted spook, will attempt to frame me, Vic Neverman, in some sort of white collar criminal act, but at least I will go to a nice prison with good gruel. (He’s probably waiting until after the holidays – VN)

4 – China will use their weather manipulation device to send multiple hurricanes to the American Southeast and bankrupt the insurance industry. (Another miss… unless we counter-attacked with our own weather manipulation device)

5 – Obama’s birth certificate will be proven genuine, but we will learn Madonna is not actually English. (Only half-right, but what a relief to learn Madonna is really English)

6 – Osama bin Laden will be found in a New Jersey apartment, but only as a creepy automaton for the sake of producing al Qaeda videos. The real Osama, we will learn, is locked in the bathroom on the International Space Station and no one can talk him out. (Miss, but the bin Laden robot might still be in Jersey City, lying about like a rejected prop piece from Disney’s ‘Small World After All’ ride)

7 – Due to gas prices, the American populace will turn to light rail and riding segue ways to work. (Miss)

8 – Tom Cruise will claim to do his own stunt work, but it will only prove to be one of his expendable clones. (Not enough information, but I am hoping for revelations to come out of ‘The Making of Mission Impossible 4: The Mission Is Impossible Again’ which is bound to be on HBO any day now)

9 – Obama will invade Iran to further his dream of a Persian Autobahn from Baghdad to Kabul. (Invasion on hold)

10 – The Tea Party will split from the GOP Establishment and create a third party, which all of the Republicans will eventually join and elect old GOP Establishment types to be candidates. (I have no idea what actually happened, but these are the best Republican debates ever)

11 – Space Tourism will suffer a setback when the first astro-tourists return disappointed, claiming space is just filled with space. We, however, will all know that they saw far more than just the void and that whatever it is they did see does not want them saying anything more. (No space tourists, but this sounds like a good prediction for 2013!)

12 – Arab States will be so impressed by the European economic recovery, they will decide to adopt their own multi-national currency called the Arabi. The colorful notes will feature several of their inspiring leaders like Qaddafi and Mubarak, as well as have a blank spot on the one-thousand Arabi note referencing Mohammed’s forbidden image. (Big miss)

“Off with the Hood!” reads the editorial headline by Marco Travaglio, an Italian reporter with a reputation for uncovering government corruption. For years, Travaglio has been haunting (now former) Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi with his investigations and now that Silvio has gone back to singing love ballads, Travaglio has set his sights on the Technocratic leaders who filled the void in the wake of Silvio’s resignation. And what are Travaglio’s allegations? What is the “hood” covering? That Mario Monti and the new Italian government is full of Freemasons.

Political Cartoon featuring Mario Monti, the Freemason. Photo courtesy of Libero News

Masonic conspiracy theories have been popular for centuries. In the United States, they are embraced with a bored shrug. Sure George Washington and Ben Franklin were Freemasons, so what? Our capital city was designed with Masonic symbolism in mind, very nice… But in Italy, where the power of the Roman Catholic Church weighs so heavily (right behind the power of mafioso), the Freemasons are seen as godless boogiemen plotting to take over the world.

So who are these mysterious characters that have taken charge in Rome? While Mario Monti and his league of economists may or may not have a Masonic agenda, they do have some fairly dubious qualifications. Monti was an international advisor to Goldman Sachs, which begs the question, why would he be selected to bring Italy out of its financial crisis? On a more conspiratorial note, Monti has also participated as a member of the Bilderberg Group and the Tri-Lateral Commission, two notorious New World Order boys clubs.

While Italy needed to oust the corrupt Silvio Berlusconi, who has been tried several times for financial crimes and is currently going to trial over his “Bunga Bunga” parties where prostitutes dressed as nuns and police women (George Clooney is actually testifying in this case), the media is now asking whether or not the replacement Prime Minister might be even worse. “Matrix”, the flagship program for Channel 5, claims the entire Italian crisis is a banker’s plot to buy up public land and properties while the newspaper Il Giornale says the crisis is an evil scheme to unite Europe. While both Channel 5 and Il Giornale are owned by a somewhat biased Silvio Berlusconi, Marco Travaglio’s anti-Berlusconi paper is also claiming an elitist coup d’etat is responsible for the technocrats in power.

Anti-Berlusconi graffiti found by Vic in early 2011

Italy’s financially doomed neighbor Greece has also ousted their government and replaced it with similar “technocrats”. So what is this technocratic movement? Is it some sort of New World Order plot? Radical right conspiracy theorists will note the Soviet politburo was a technocratic system, where engineers and economists were placed into positions of power and decision. Technocracy is creeping into politics even here in the United States, where both the left and right are growing tired of the career politicians and are looking elsewhere for leadership. The Koch Brothers funded the Tea Party and Herman Cain campaigns with the idea limiting government’s role and letting businessmen make policy decisions. Of course, if the Koch Revolution is a part of the Technocracy Movement, the future does not look bright as the Tea Party presidential candidates are floundering and Cain is out of the race entirely. On a French parallel, earlier this year macro-economist Dominique Straus-Kahn was in line to run for election in Paris as a technocratic candidate before he became entangled in sexual allegations. If DSK and Herman Cain were a part of the New World Order’s plan to technocratize the world, it seems their libidos and the 4th Estate are doing a good job keeping this conspiracy in check.

Without a doubt, the financial crisis in Europe has everyone in panic mode. The EU has never been less popular and the reach towards technocracy seems to be an act of desperation more than a Freemason/NWO plot. In a game where everyone seems to lose, how can there be a benefactor?

Of course, that may be exactly what Adam Weishaupt and the Illuminati want us to think…

Neverman doing some serious economic research in Italy

Saturday Morning, 11/5/11

The foliage at ‘Freedom Park’ is sparse, but bearing enough bushiness to allow me, Vic Neverman, to lurk nearly undetected by the collective mass of protestor. Should I be discovered and interrogated, my cover story was that of wayward coleopterist, searching for the elusive Cicindela sexgutta (a Latin term for the six-spotted tiger beetle). No surprise, the majority of my preparation for this cover was practice saying ‘Cicindela sexgutta‘. The true target of my observations, though, was the Occupation movement that had gathered in this grassy corner of Orlando to protest corporate greed.

Gaustmeister, the co-author of my work-in-process 6,000 page tome on the Fourth Crusade, mentioned (49% mockingly/51% deathly serious) the French Revolution’s Reign of Terror grew out of a similar casual dissatisfaction as what is evidenced by Occupy Wall Street and its spawned geographical varieties. It is with this historical perspective I carried a worst case scenario on this venture. Upon arrival, my attention – and my imagination – was immediately swept up by one of the charismatic leaders of the movement. Fear not: Vic was not swayed emotionally or politically to join the ranks, but rather I became fawningly spellbound by the harmonic voice of this dreadlocked woman behind the Guy Fawkes mask as she yelled out for a ‘Mic Check’. No, I wasn’t about to take up her cause, but I did allow myself to be enchanted by the beauty of her delivered fiery diatribe about the movement not being a fight between good and evil, but rather a fight for fair representation in government. Meanwhile, a counter-protestor held a sign up to inform the crowd that the Tea Party was going to “kick your ass”. Bucky Swoon would have been proud…

One of the next speakers, who followed this Lady Fawkes, had perhaps the worst idea I have ever heard at a political rally. This fantastic fool rambled about how the ‘natives’ owned land before ‘Manifest Destiny’ (which is untrue, ownership of property wasn’t even a concept of Native Americans) and how this land was now under the control of the Mexican drug cartels. This fantastic fool called out the underrepresented ‘natives’ to stand up, leave their reservation and their bingo parlors and take back their land from the cartels. It is idiocy like this, from someone who seemed to be associated with the Occupy Orlando leadership, that is going to continue to undermine the approachability of this cause for the greater public. Which is exactly how I knew she was a plant – an agent provocateur assigned to discredit the movement. Even her Guy Fawkes mustache seemed crooked.

Despite my agitation over the fool and my desire to speak to Lady Fawkes – if only to say the words “Cicindela sexgutta” – I had to remain the impartial observer. It became time for the march to downtown Orlando to begin. I removed myself to a tavern for refreshment and to consult my notes.

Occupy Everything Conspiracies

The first call to protest and the occupation of Wall Street can be traced back to the Canadian anti-materialism magazine, AdBusters. This magazine is supported, in part, by the Tides Foundation, which is donated to by the liberal billionaire George Soros, who happens to admit his sympathy to the protestors. See the article below for the allegation Soros is funding OWS.

http://www.thenewamerican.com/usnews/politics/9269-big-soros-money-linked-to-occupy-wall-street

The fact that a liberal billionaire might have some connection to the Occupation Movement, in itself, means nothing. The fact that it is George Soros means everything – at least to the radical right’s conspiracy theorists. George Soros is the poster boy for conservative fear-mongers, like Glenn Beck who has led the recent charge in anti-Sorosism, claiming George is a “Nazi” collaborating “puppet-master” behind the “New World Order”. Lyndon LaRouche has gone as far to claim George Soros is a global drug kingpin.

Since many call the Occupation Movement the liberal counterpart to the Tea Party, let us for the sake of argument, call Soros the liberal counterpart to the Tea Party funding fraternity, the Koch Brothers. While Soros might have some extreme conspiracy theories out there regarding him, the Koch Brothers have been exposed of having illegal dealings with Iran. I will take Soros over Koch any day of the week. See the Bloomberg expose on the Kochs below…

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2011-10-02/koch-brothers-flout-law-getting-richer-with-secret-iran-sales.html

Another great conspiracy theory involving the Occupation movement involves a figure right here in Orlando: Shayan Elahi, the legal counsel for Occupy Orlando. In a rant by a United West investigator, Shayan Elahi is claimed to be the leader behind Central Florida’s leaderless “occupation”. The column in the link below mentions Elahi is a member of the Council on American Islamic Relations and then makes a radical jump to insist the CAIR is Hamas and Hamas is the Muslim Brotherhood and thus the organization that stepped into the power vacuum created by the Arab Spring is indeed running the show in Orlando.

http://theunitedwest.org/jihad-alert-is-the-muslim-brotherhood-directing-occupy-orlando/

While the author of the United West column is an adept at fear mongering, I still find the Islamic connection to the local movement curious. The anarchists, atheists, and hippies I have seen at these rallies are the furthest thing from Jihadists, but the pawns of any good conspiracy would not be the usual suspects. This is certainly one potential plot worth monitoring.

In summation, the most-prevalent conspiracy theories behind the Occupation Movement are reaches for some very biased “journalism” as a means to discredit the protests. While I am not ready to become an advocate for the Occupy Everything, the true motive has yet to be realized by the participants and those that oppose them.

Return to Freedom Park

The true motive behind Occupy Everything seems as elusive as that damned six-spotted tiger beetle. The best speech I heard at ‘Freedom Park’ was by an older gentleman (who admitted to being convicted of a felony via illegal drug possession, and thus being a vote-less citizen) who emphasized the need for all to become informed citizens, to participate in politics at the local level, to invest locally. The overall concept of “if everyone takes care of their own backyard, we will have a nicer neighborhood” is a positive sentiment to take forward, though perhaps a bit too subtle and longterm for those hungry activists in the park who are still split on many issues.

One issue was brought up last week in a general assembly: should Occupy Orlando officially endorse the “Free Bradley Manning” campaign. In an example of sound group judgment, this proposal was shot down. While the Occupation (and Vic Neverman) is a proponent of transparency, and by extension WikiLeaks, the ends do not justify the means and the criminal activity of Bradley Manning (stealing diplomatic cables and sending them to Julian Assange’s WikiLeaks to be published, which in part incited the Arab Spring) should be met by fair* punishment. Manning could be considered a hero, but he should not be pardoned for his treason.

*Many have claimed Manning’s interrogations have been excessive and the UN has not been allowed to meet with Manning to discuss his treatment and these allegations.

Saturday afternoon, I returned to Freedom Park post-march (post my pints of beer) to attend a general assembly. The first thirty minutes were an explanation of the rules of the assembly, how to make proposals, how to agree or disagree, etc. The soothing voice of Lady Fawkes adequately described the process as work and not a lot of fun. It was no surprise that the bandana-masked anarchists had not stuck around for this bureaucratic process. In the extra hour I spent pretending to comb the grass for insects, nothing of importance made its way up the hierarchy to be discussed by the crowd at large.

A cool breeze picked up in intensity and since I wasn’t planning on camping out overnight, I decided to make my escape. I had never said “hello” upon arrival and I didn’t bother saying “goodbye” as I left the park. I, Vic Neverman, do have one final message for the dreadlocked beauty behind the Guy Fawkes mask:

Cicindela sexgutta, baby. Cicindela sexgutta

A conspiratorial associate of mine, Brother Rufus, is polishing his flip-flops and rants in preparation for the new football season. Brother Rufus, often called “the Tailgate Prophet” doesn’t have as much of a political agenda as he does a personal mission.

“I am the Boddhisatva who turns down enlightenment and goes back into Plato’s cave to piss out the fire and drag the audience of the puppet show above ground into the light, just as Prometheus gave illumination before me.” Brother Rufus will confess to the beleaguered college coeds next weekend. He will underline the roots of words like, “‘Organization’ is just the manipulation of multiple free wills to march in a single order” and “‘Government’ is by definition about controlling its populace”.

Brother Rufus’s social anarchism extends to religion. While he, himself, is an admitted spiritual being, he believes religions are other means of controlling his beloved free will. And now, Brother Rufus has a new arch-villain: the New Apostolic Reformation.

The NAR is a variant of Pentecostalism that has emerged as a central backer of Presidential hopeful, Rick Perry (predicted by this blogger to get the GOP nomination thanks to his approval by the Bilderberg Group). Various different eclectic New Apostles were certainly present in the current Texas Governor’s “Response” – a prayer extravaganza held earlier this month in Houston. What is the New Apostolic Reformation and why are they so dangerous? They are a part of a great Dominionist Movement where the ultimate goal is to fulfill the order beset upon them by GOD, mainly to take dominion over all that is animate and inanimate. But these aren’t just zookeepers. The Texas Observer reporter Forrest Wilder noted, “what makes the NAR movement so potent is its growing fascination with infiltrating politics and government.” Wilder went on about the mainstay of their beliefs, “Certain Christians are destined to not just take ‘dominion’ over government, but stealthily climb to the commanding heights of what they term the ‘Seven Mountains’ of society, including media and the arts and entertainment world.” Rick Perry is obviously the Sir Edmund Hillary of the New Apostolic Reformation.

What is the harm of a good god-fearing man in the White House? “The complete disregard for the separation of church and state.” Brother Rufus will point out the obvious. The NAR is known for being a bit radical with their supernatural superstitions, with its leaders going so far to claim the Statue of Liberty is a false idol and Japan’s earthquake is punishment from God for worshipping the sun goddess. “If you put the NAR in charge” Rufus goes on “we will have eye-for-an-eye sentences in our judicial system.” National Public Radio (a part of what the NAR calls the socialist agenda) recently did a segment on the New Apostles where they mentioned the movement’s heavy involvement in the government-in-flux in Uganda where homosexuality is punishable by death and the crime of not informing on known homosexuals receives its own jail term. These are biblically driven policies smiled upon by the Dominionist missionaries of the New Apostolic Reformation.

“Michelle Bachman is a Dominionist, but she isn’t quite on board with the New Apostles.” Brother Rufus explained Rick Perry’s conservative Christian opponent. “She is just a different kind of crazy. Her people are the Christian Reconstructionists. Bachman once recommended a book on her state senate site, ‘Call of Duty: The Sterling Nobility of Robert E Lee’. Seems harmless enough, right? Well, read the damn thing. The book talks about the Civil War being raged between the Christian South and the Godless North. Slavery is considered a benevolent institution. Look elsewhere in Christian Reconstructionist literature – they go with Old Testament gibberish about the institution of slavery being an understood arrangement between slaver and enslaved, based on faith.”

The sticky issue with refuting all religion with politics is that the American public should vote based on their own moral compass. If that compass is influenced by their chosen faith, what is the harm in that?

“There isn’t, along as it is ‘their’ choice and not the choice of the religious overlords.” Brother Rufus responds. “Here’s the deal Vic, I am a spiritual person. There is more to this world than just atoms bouncing off each other. Dark matter is the gooey glue that holds us all together and the mystery of being is a rich one. I dig it, hard. Right? But these mysteries are something I have to figure out on my own. You shouldn’t follow my lead, you should walk your own way.”

Brother Rufus continued to babble as he stood, beer in hand, watching preseason football on the sports bar television. I shall attempt to paraphrase his thoughts on theology here:

Brother Rufus on Spirituality
We all come from the same spiritual roots: baking in our mother’s womb. It is this distant experience, a faded memory of incubation, that we all draw upon. In the womb, God is all around us in the form of the mother. It started with darkness and soon there will be light as we are born. Within the womb we are warm, we are fed, we exist in a blissful state (except when the NeverMom participates in tennis tournaments despite carrying the seed to be known as Vic). It is these faint memories we all hold and draw upon when we think of a perfect spiritual existence. Then along comes religion and recalls this sensation and names it ‘heaven’, telling us we can get it back if only we follow their rules. Their is no true path to salvation other than exercising free will.

“Every brother has to find his own alchemy, dude.” Rufus sums up. “If the government starts telling us what to believe spiritually, we are all damned.”

I have a strange pride, albeit accompanied with a sense of humility, at being the only victim of a manatee attack in recorded history. Yes, I, Vic Neverman, was once attacked by a manatee. In all my international misadventures – being physically tortured beneath the streets of Istanbul, almost losing my eye in Saigon, winning a ‘Fully Monty’ dance-off in Northampton – one of the most chilling memories was this attack by a manatee in what was literally my backyard in the bays north of the Everglades.

I say this to admit there is never any love lost between Vic Neverman and them daggone dugongs. In fact, should society collapse and there be a shortage of food, I will harvest manatees like sea cattle. Sure, I have swam with them half a hundred times and they seem harmless enough, but they are ugly, slimy, and what others won’t tell you – they will attack. Hippopotamuses look awful cuddly too, until they crush your skull in jaw.

If there is to be a defender of manatees, I would not be your logical choice. And yet here I stand, in defense of the mer-beasts against the citizenry of Florida. It seems the Citrus County Tea Party has found themselves someone their size to pick on, taking aim at the manatee ‘no wake’ zones as evidence the Fish & Wildlife Service is a part of a One World Order Government plot.

http://motherjones.com/blue-marble/2011/07/florida-tea-party-secret-manatee-conspiracy

This is nonsense. Who better to seek out these tea partiers than my alter ego Bucky Swoon, the Florida secessionist and mechanical bull rider? And so, I devised a letter…

July 14, 2011
Edna Mattos
Citrus County Tea Party Patriots

Dear Miss Mattos,

May I call you Edna? I read the St Petersburg Times and have been sent your alarming emails by my many, many, many friends of the Tea Party. I gotta emit, you got my belly burning with fire and I ain’t had mofongo in days now. I think you’re like a Joan of the Ark, cause not since her has there been a lady voice like you talking about animals. I mean, when you said we’d all be living in Jurassic Park if them environment groups had their way with them dinosaurs, I cried a bit (wet my britches a little squirt too) cause I realized you got the voice I always wanted to be in my mouth. Much prettier in your mouth, tho, or so it looks me looking online and all.

By not letting us ride our jet skis as fast as we want through Kings Bay, your right, there elevating the rights of the sea cows over the rights of us people and that is exactly what are Founder Fathers fought for against the Queen of England about. This elevation of mammals over people is, like you say, against the Bill or Rights and against what is said in the Bible! I am glad there is as much angry people as I am. It ain’t right, ain’t right at all.

I done thought it were just something smelly (other than manatees!) that the Fedrule Government was doing, but then I heard what you said about the United Nations and there Agenda 21 being about making what is good for nature and what is not good for people and how they is wanting to get rid of us people because they like nature more. Idiots! But scary tho, right? These people are on all sides of the water and they want a one world government and it all starts with rules about slowing down my jet ski, My Jet Ski! Like I was driving down the road on it or something. Yes, it starts with jet skis and then they come taking away are jet skis and are guns, and then they is sticking needles into are kids, and then they is taking our guns and putting barcodes on are foreheads and putting us into prison camps without are guns.

So, I am with you, Edna, if I may call you Edna, that is. And I have captured a manatee, a real life sacred sea cow. I have it in my tub. Don’t worry, I am hosing it down to keep it wet so it don’t die cause we need to put the death on youtube I think in order for more people to see it and I got a hockey mask and a samurai sword I got at the pawn shop when I traded in my old four wheeler and I am going to do one of them terrorist videos to show them crazy one world government types what we think of there beloved manatees! That’ll soil them shorts. Ha!

So I extend this invite to you Edna to come on over, have a couple of beers, and watch me sleigh this stinky, slimy, beast.

Sincerely,

Bucky Swoon (I am waiting for you to accept my facebook request)