Posts Tagged ‘Qaddafi’

Any self-respecting conspiracy theorist will make forecasts for an upcoming year. It takes a theorist with some serious cunning to be accurate and some serious balls to take it public. Should ‘cunning’ be at a lack, it takes a theorist with a high threshold for pain to actually go on and later review the predictions of the year that was/was not.

Welcome to the Vic Neverman 2011-in-Review Predictions Blog!

While I didn’t formally ‘publish’ any predictions around this time last year, the following list would have been the predictions I would have published if I were not so damned busy crossing river streams to keep the scent of the hounds off my ass, or, for that matter, the scent of my ass off of the hounds.

Now you, dear reader, may say “Hey… Vic, how do I know you were actually predicting the below predictions and are not just making these up?” In which case I would respond, “If I were making these up, wouldn’t I have a greater success rate?” Besides, you don’t doubt me when I paraphrase my father’s high school diary…

“Dear Diary… or future son that I will likely name Victor Ulysses after his grandmother and who may find this diary, and then lose it, and then have to guess at what it’s original contents might be… I read that Jack Kennedy is planning to print off money outside of the Federal Reserve. Jeez, the last time a president printed interest-free cash, it was a curtain call for Mr. Lincoln. I don’t see this ending well.”

So in Neverman tradition, here were my 2011 predictions:

1 – Despite whatever Harold Camping says, the world will not end May 21st, 2011. (I nailed this one, though I do recognize the possibility Jesus could have raptured his chosen and left diabolical dopplegangers in their place – VN)

2 – The Bilderberg Group will pick a GOP candidate from amongst the guests at their annual brouhaha to oppose Obama, and thus, hedge their bets that they will still be the puppet-masters of the world. The BG party guest that will run as Republican nominee is Rick Perry. (Fail… but it was looking good for a while – VN)

3 – The NeverBrother-in-Law, a government-contracted spook, will attempt to frame me, Vic Neverman, in some sort of white collar criminal act, but at least I will go to a nice prison with good gruel. (He’s probably waiting until after the holidays – VN)

4 – China will use their weather manipulation device to send multiple hurricanes to the American Southeast and bankrupt the insurance industry. (Another miss… unless we counter-attacked with our own weather manipulation device)

5 – Obama’s birth certificate will be proven genuine, but we will learn Madonna is not actually English. (Only half-right, but what a relief to learn Madonna is really English)

6 – Osama bin Laden will be found in a New Jersey apartment, but only as a creepy automaton for the sake of producing al Qaeda videos. The real Osama, we will learn, is locked in the bathroom on the International Space Station and no one can talk him out. (Miss, but the bin Laden robot might still be in Jersey City, lying about like a rejected prop piece from Disney’s ‘Small World After All’ ride)

7 – Due to gas prices, the American populace will turn to light rail and riding segue ways to work. (Miss)

8 – Tom Cruise will claim to do his own stunt work, but it will only prove to be one of his expendable clones. (Not enough information, but I am hoping for revelations to come out of ‘The Making of Mission Impossible 4: The Mission Is Impossible Again’ which is bound to be on HBO any day now)

9 – Obama will invade Iran to further his dream of a Persian Autobahn from Baghdad to Kabul. (Invasion on hold)

10 – The Tea Party will split from the GOP Establishment and create a third party, which all of the Republicans will eventually join and elect old GOP Establishment types to be candidates. (I have no idea what actually happened, but these are the best Republican debates ever)

11 – Space Tourism will suffer a setback when the first astro-tourists return disappointed, claiming space is just filled with space. We, however, will all know that they saw far more than just the void and that whatever it is they did see does not want them saying anything more. (No space tourists, but this sounds like a good prediction for 2013!)

12 – Arab States will be so impressed by the European economic recovery, they will decide to adopt their own multi-national currency called the Arabi. The colorful notes will feature several of their inspiring leaders like Qaddafi and Mubarak, as well as have a blank spot on the one-thousand Arabi note referencing Mohammed’s forbidden image. (Big miss)

“Winter is coming.” George RR Martin penned into his book, Game of Thrones, but the patron of his protagonist clan may have been looking beyond the Wall at the sleeping Soviet dragon rather than the undead Others. As Qaddafi falls and Arab Spring continues, a Russian Winter looms for western powers.

Libya will oust Qaddafi and plunge into political turmoil as tribes squabble over the future of the country and the oil they produce. Obama and the Western leaders will appear to have chosen the right side, if nothing else. Libya isn’t just some gateway drug, though, it was a downright trap with Syria waiting on the horizon. It is classic bait and switch, we jump at the chance to attack a rogue state which viciously murdered its own citizens, but are caught blinking as one goes down and Syria commits the Ramadan Massacre.

We will be forced to pick a fight with a bully we don’t want to put down. Unlike Libya, this rogue state has a bunch of relevant friends: Iran and Russia. With the United States economically and militarily weary, we are playing right into the hands of the Russians. They had us on the ropes in 2008 when Wall Street went to shit, but China refused to destroy the dollar – more out of self-preservation than out of respect to us.

The United States will not be leaving Afghanistan any time soon. We are slowly lining up international bases in preparation for what may become an inevitable war with the eastern powers. I will say I do not know China’s role in this brewing catastrophe just yet. They are arming the South China Sea – a vital international trading passage – by expanding their naval fleet with state-of-the-art ships. And of course there is the simple fact that China has a gender imbalance of about 60 million more men – an indicator that the market is ripe for a land war and prostitution. China might just be waiting on the sidelines to see who emerges from this brouhaha. Very quietly, they have bought up much of the mineral resources in both Africa and Australia. With space and the Arctic as new frontiers, it is the Chinese that are poised to take over the world. Time to teach our prostitutes Mandarin, if you ask me.

Back to the main point: the brutal dictatorships in North Africa needed to be overthrown, even though the revolutionaries may not be prepared to fill the huge power vacuum the lack of authoritarian government leaves behind. With this being said, the involvement of the United States has inched us closer to the great showdown. Can diplomacy save the day and the citizens of Syria? Or will Damascus be the new Baghdad of the American crusade? Would Iran be next? How many lines can we cross before the Russians and Chinese start pushing back?

An interesting discussion came out of a Vic Neverman blog posted on the philosophical meandering site Zoey and the Zeitgeist that I am linking here. I would have re-posted this Neverman blog, but then the valuable comments would be lost.

The blog began as a comical aside about our cultural hate for Nazis and blossomed into defining the role of America in fighting tyranny abroad. Qaddafi called us ‘Nazis’, others call us imperialists for interfering in North Africa. Even those anti-Qaddafi have to wonder what are we really doing there and where will this end.

Enjoy…

http://zoeyandthezeitgeist.wordpress.com/2011/03/13/loving-to-hate-the-nazis-is-this-a-good-thing/

As if stolen from a script of MadMen, the ad wizards are at it again, signing Muammar Qaddafi to an endorsement deal with Nescafe, the international instant coffee dealer. Qaddafi will not be paid in any monetary currency, because according to his agent “the fucking Swiss froze all of our accounts anyway.” Muammar celebrates after penning new endorsement contractInstead, Nestle Co will be paying Qaddafi in mercenaries.

Qaddafi immediately appeared on state run radio to plug his product, saying Al Qaeda fed the young people of Libya “hallucinagenic” drugs “in their coffee with milk, like Nescafe”.

Nescafe, goes great with Al Qaeda hallucinagens