Posts Tagged ‘NSA’

I once paid $25 on Kickstarter to get a Point Break prequel made. The directing producer ended up spending his spoils on Japanese sex-bots. I’d be angrier if I could blame him…

Yet crowd-sourcing could be the great Democratization of the World we all hoped the internet would be (rather than the meta data sucking whore who gets paid at both ends). Crowd-sourcing is currently being used to overthrow small third world countries, fund the arts and (an unsuccessful attempt to) buy the Los Angeles Clippers. Why can’t we use crowd-sourcing to adopt a whistle blower?

Only You can help whistle-blowers like poor Eddie Snowden

Only You can help whistle-blowers like poor Eddie Snowden

Consider the dilemma Edward Snowden faced: if he leaks documents and stays behind to meet his just punishment, he is thrown in prison and his family’s finances are drained by the totalitarian regime he sought to thwart. Instead of staying put, Edward runs to the only place the United States wouldn’t pursue – under the skirt of Mother Russia (played tonight by Vladimir Putin). Meanwhile, Aussie leak-artist Julian Assange has been hiding out in London’s Ecuadorian embassy, eating Indian takeout and watching Belmont Abbey and reruns of Coupling until his eyes bleed. Certainly, there must be a better way.

Well, I am here to tell you there is!

The problem is this: future whistle-blowers are discouraged by the litigious nature of Big Brother where the only alternatives are a short-lived life on the run or hiding out in the most dreadfully dull circumstances. How the problem is solved is by Vic Neverman’s “Adopt a Whistle-Blower” program. We are a democratized lobby agency who with enough crowd-sourcing can:

– Pay Whistle-Blower’s legal fees
– Hire a Member of Ron Paul’s Family to speak on behalf of the Whistle-Blower
– Create care-packages full of iTune credits, Starbucks gift cards and miscellaneous dried meats, cheeses and crackers
– Account for Facebook “likes”, Twitter trends and other contemporary chain-mail cyber whodoo voodoo black magic tom-fuckery
– Setup a tent at Occupy Wall Street (I mean, if that’s still a thing)
– Send letters of discontent to congress representatives laced with fecal matter
– Arrange conjugal visits for the Whistle-Blower
– Under-Tip Los Angeles waiters, forcing them to write screenplays based on the Whistle-Blower until one is good enough to send to Michael Bay
– Purchase Japanese Sex Bots
– March in liberal pride parades
– Setup birthday parties complete with bouncy house and Tea Party keynote speaker
– Wait in line for the Whistle-Blower at BestBuy 24 hours in advance of Black Friday and at Regal Cinema before Star Wars VII premiers

Only you can help whistle-blowers like Julian Assange

Only you can help whistle-blowers like Julian Assange

It is important for us to have whistle-blowers. While Julian Assange and Edward Snowden revealed nothing we (wink, wink, nudge, nudge, y’know: “us”) didn’t already know, they did force the rest of the world’s attention to become fixated on the fascist regime we live under – at least until the rest of the world’s collective smart phone beat-bopped their attention back to some tongue-wagging kitten taking a bathroom mirror selfie #hashtag. Julian and Edward provided a brief diversion towards truth, but a necessary diversion all the same. Now is the time we start taking care of these Whistle-Blowers while they still have breath to blow. We cannot have the next generation of whistlers to fear the wrath of the government we taxpayers fund (though, in truth, our government’s black ops & dark missions are financed by the heroin trade out of Afghanistan – Taliban be damned). Sure, Julian Assange and Edward Snowden are two of the douchiest bags for us to help out, but there are plenty of new Whistle-Blowers just dying to snitch who desperately need your help.

Will you Help?


Help Us

Help Them

Help You

This has been a Victor Neverman Public Announcement

This has been a Victor Neverman Public Announcement

Somebody is watching you...

Somebody is watching you, it is the NSA

You are being watched. The WashPost has recently disclosed that the NSA is collecting billions of records each day as it traces you via your cell phone. You, dear reader, may go off the grid if you like… and when you do, please tell the 20th Century I said “howdy”. Otherwise, keep your cell phone as a member of contemporary society and just deal with the fact you are being watched, scrutinized and likely laughed at for your under-par grammar skills and the ill-timed selfies you keep sharing with the intern.

What’s that you say, friend? Why would the NSA track you when you haven’t done anything wrong? Why, when you are one of the good guys? Well, sure… but,

First of all – the NSA is the security apparatus of the Establishment. To be a good guy in their eyes, you have to suckle up to the twisted tit of the status quo. Bon appétit with that wicked teat, mon frere. The NSA is quite simply antidisestablishmentarian and yes the entire purpose of this paragraph was to write “antidisestablishmentarian” at least once. Scrabble that, Sis!

Thirdly (because I forgot my second point) – the NSA already knows who the bad guys are, it is looking for the friends of bad guys. The WashPost calls this “Co Traveler Analytics” (click on the washpost site, it is a worthwhile diagram). The cell phone in your pocket sends out signals to cell phone towers and those cell phone towers, in turn, send idiotic text responses right back. By feeding off of all this commotion, the NSA can see where nearly everyone is at any time. They aren’t just following targets; they are looking for co-travelers of those targets.

Of course, targets on the President’s Christmas Hit List are of a different category and really they are just living long enough for the next drone to finish charging up via whatever Yemeni electrical converters may be necessary. No, the “targets” we are talking about are a step beneath these dead men walking: your Green Peace pirate, your Tea Party sloganeer, your Conspiracy Theory bloggist. These are the targets the NSA already has a dossier on. Where YOU come in is the tangential relationship.

(No, not trans-genital you perverse guttersnipe!, tangential means “in tangent to”…)

For example, if you see me at a bus stop and we both take the bus to the mall and then naturally eat at the same food-court and then take the bus back from whence we came, the NSA will circle your name as a co-traveler of the target. Something that might seem coincidental might just earn you a red-flag in the NSA’s scrapbook. Oh settle down, fellow traveler! Don’t fret over riding the bus with me, you were red-flagged long ago when you first read my blog or set-up a dating profile on my now defunct Huey Lewis fan dating site, (please don’t tell me you just clicked on a site I already told you was defunct).

And you thought you were watching Lady Gaga

And you thought you were watching Lady Gaga

Fear not, fellow paranoid! I come bearing gifts. What follows is a list of measures you might take – not to elude the NSA (the National Security Agency, or as they were known last century, “No Such Agency”), as you cannot elude them long enough to read this blog while remaining on the grid. No, nay, never. Rather, the purpose of this list of measures is to confuse the NSA. It is better for THEM to think you are where you are not than to not see you and really start sniffing.

This list was inspired by a rendezvous I had with a childhood friend, Lily Kudzu. I was man seeking affirmation I was the same Victor Neverman as the faded memory of my childhood when Lo! and Behold! I learn that Lily’s ex-husband was an agent of the Military Industrial Intelligence Complex. Of course, his business card read “purveyor of dental implants”, but that is obviously coded-doublespeak for “gaddam spook!”

The rendezvous of childhood friends, Vic & Lily, after innumerable years is a curious read. You may read it… here.

Without further ado…


Anti-Co Traveler Analytics

Local Cell Phone Co-Op:

Create a community of phone sharers outside your normal social/work network and then trade phones on a regular basis. If there are 7 members of the community, develop a schedule of who will have which phone when so that each member of the telephony commune will know which phone to forward calls/messages too. Sure, it makes it difficult to figure out who is sexting you and whom they think they are sexting, but so is life: difficult and kinda kinky. BENEFITS: the NSA thinks they are tracking you, when they are actually tracking any one of seven different people.

National Cell Phone Transit Centers:

Create a community of phone participants in different regions to not share phones, but rather keep them in transit. Each participant would have multiple cell phones always turned “on” which they would mail to various participants via ground shipping, while keeping one local. The NSA would have to track several different cell phones and think You were on several different simultaneous road-trips at all times. Yay! way to blow their fucking mind!

Max Headroom fanatics may be the only people you can truly trust

Max Headroom fanatics may be the only people you can truly trust

Omnium-Gatherum of other Confusion Measures

  • On various social networking websites, post contradicting pictures of yourself. You in a wig is not contradictory enough, be sure the alternate pictures have different cheekbones, with eye/nose/ear placement at different angles. BETTER YET, make the pictures someone else entirely. This will confuse the Facial Recognition software Facebook already has in place and the data they then sell to Intelligence services.
  • Turn your GPS on in your phone device while taking photos of yourself with alternate geographical backgrounds, which you then publish online with conflicting coordinates.
  • File tax returns in states you never lived in.
  • Fly to foreign destinations and never leave the airport, let alone go through customs. Just read foreign language magazines and pay for a third-world massage as you wait for your flight home five days hence.
  • Setup multiple social networking profiles with same name & different face, with same face and different name and then friend yourselves.
  • Setup multiple profiles on dating networks. Especially varying ethno-religious sites (Jewish, Catholic, African-American, Just-Farmers, Ashley Madison, etc., etcetera). Go with same name/different face & same face/different name strategy as varying sexes and varying sexual persuasions (e.g. I am Victor(ia) looking for married Mormon Farmer Lesbian Sister-Wives, etc. etcetera) and then date yourself.
  • Setup checking accounts at different banks. Withdraw $10,000 and fill out the Currency Transaction Report, then deposit $9,999.99 at another bank, asking for 1 cent returned from the cashier’s check produced by the originating financial institution. Deposit that 1 cent back at the originating bank.
  • Use voice-modifiers on Skype and use your voice when logged in as other people on Skype. Hire scripted actors to make personal calls with your voice on Skype. Create a Skye account with Max Headroom and prank call your local Citizens Watch.
  • Join a genealogy network and submit someone else’s cotton swabbed DNA sample. Then join as someone else and submit your own DNA. Send Xenophobic messages between your alter-identities until you are all banned from the site. Join a new site.
  • Renew driver’s license every year and change your political affiliation then vote against the assigned affiliation every year.
  • Get rewards club membership at competing grocery stores. Buy all meats at the organic produce friendly store and all produce at the butcher friendly store. Buy your alcohol and Nyquil in cash-only.
  • Sign-up for multi-player online gaming and pay a kid in Malaysia to play as you for 20 hours a day. Then adopt the child, import him to the United States and pay him to impersonate you at the office.
  • Open a twitter account and have every tweet be anti-you. For example, my alternate account would tweet:
    • “I h8 white people who drive Japanese cars #unpatriotic”
    • “Anyone born on xx/xx/19xx sucks #loser”
    • “I don’t trust bearded men under the age of 50 #creepy”
    • “What a beautiful day! #thanksNSA or #globalwarming”
    • “JFK is dead #getoverit”
    • Open a second twitter account to troll everything the original says
      • “Whatevs, Nazi #nazi”
      • “Dick. #look#in#the#mirror”
      • “LMFAO. Psyche! #NotLOL”

During World War II, American industry joined in the war efforts by adjusting the products coming down the assembly line: automotive companies began churning out tank widgets and cowboy boot cobblers began cobbling combat boots. With the close of the hot war (and the rise of the cold one), it was clear the United States military could not continue to rely on peacetime industries to always support wartime production needs. What was born was a Military Industrial Complex – a new market burgeoning out of the demand for more weapons. Weapons were stockpiled against perceived threats and as long as there was a constant threat of something Out There (or hiding under the bed, for that matter) there would be a demand for more: more devastating bombs, shinier bombs, smarter bombs, etcetera, etc., et al.

In his grand exit from the White House, President and General Dwight D Eisenhower, warned the American citizenry of this Military Industrial Complex…

In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist. We must never let the weight of this combination endanger our liberties or democratic processes. We should take nothing for granted. Only an alert and knowledgeable citizenry can compel the proper meshing of the huge industrial and military machinery of defense with our peaceful methods and goals, so that security and liberty may prosper together.

During the Cuban Missile Crisis, war seemed inevitable between the United States and Revolutionary Cuba’s financier, the Soviet Union. John F Kennedy was in the White House and through diplomacy there was a peace to be found. Kennedy also sought to pull troops out of Vietnam. This was not what the Military Industrial Complex had in mind. The Gods of War found an ally in the mob. While Joe Kennedy’s ties to the mafia helped secure the union vote in favor of his son’s presidency, JFK and RFK turned against their father’s criminal chums and began a campaign against the mob. Surrounded by enemies, conspiracy began to brew… In November of 1963, there was an assassination plot uncovered in Chicago where a lone-nut sniper was to fire upon the presidential motorcade. Days later on 11/18/63, JFK was in Tampa where Jackie Kennedy refused to ride in the motorcade because of the perceived danger. Secret Service security was heightened and the Tampa threat was never realized. Four days later in Dallas, no threat was perceived, but that does not explain the sudden strategy change in Secret Service detail (no agents on the running boards, police escort leaving the flanks of the presidential limo vulnerable, a changed motorcade route). JFK was assassinated on November 22, 1963, in what was a political coup by the Military Industrial Complex who tagged LBJ as a more compliant successor.

Oh, God, can you ever imagine what would happen to the country if Lyndon were president?

– JFK to his wife, according to Jackie’s memoirs

LBJ and the Kennedy Brothers, RFK and JFK

LBJ and the Kennedy Brothers, RFK and JFK

President Lyndon B Johnson assigned the Warren Commission to “investigate” the assassination, but this investigation began with a conclusion: Lee Harvey Oswald was a lone nut who acted alone. Working from that conclusion, the Warren Commission Omission went backwards to prove its thesis with theories including magic bullets from an ineffective Italian rifle. Hours after the assassination, Oswald was confronted by police for sneaking into a movie theater without a ticket. When he was arrested, Lee Harvey Oswald thought it was for punching a police officer in the theater. Two days later, Jack Ruby approached the heavily guarded Oswald and murdered him, which conveniently kept the “lone nut” from getting his day in court. If Lee Harvey Oswald was ever tried in court for the assassination, there would have never been enough evidence to convict him beyond a reasonable doubt. There was a conspiracy to kill JFK and then there was a conspiracy to cover-up the assassination. It was an inside job, with participation of the new Commander-in-Chief, J Edgar Hoover’s FBI and other elements of American Intelligence. The Military Industrial Complex was the chief benefactor.

With the fall of the Soviet Union, the immediate military threat from Moscow was diminished. While modern Russia is no friend of peace or to the United States, the nuclear tension of the Cold War is no more what it once was. Cold War advisor, “the father of containment” (policy against the spread of communism), George Frost Kennan understood the impact on American Industry should the USSR no longer present a viable threat…

Were the Soviet Union to sink tomorrow under the waters of the ocean, the American military-industrial establishment would have to go on, substantially unchanged, until some other adversary could be invented. Anything else would be an unacceptable shock to the American economy.

With the Cold War over, where would the Military Industrial Complex turn for a new adversary? While I am confident the JFK Assassination was an inside job, I cannot suggest with as much confidence that the events of 9/11 were also orchestrated from within the American government. Regardless of the means of how 9/11 occurred, the ends represented a boon for the Military Industrial Complex: nearly endless war in Afghanistan and Iraq, the rise of drones and drone spending, the increased dependency on intelligence gathering.

Julian Assange, hiding out in Ecuadoran Embassy in London. Edward Snowden, granted temporary asylum in Russia.

Julian Assange, hiding out in Ecuadoran Embassy in London. Edward Snowden, granted temporary asylum in Russia.

With the sudden transparency of American duplicity gained through WikiLeaks and Snowden’s disclosures, many were shocked at the extent of intelligence gathering by the NSA and other alphabet agencies. Perhaps because I dawdle so much in the shadows, these were hardly revelations to me. I have always assumed my phone bugged, my emails hacked, my online activity monitored, my drinking water fluoridated, my brain scanned by airport security and my bath time observed through infrared by hovering spy blimps. So goes the life of Vic Neverman. So goes the Intelligence Machine of the Military Industrial Complex. The more it feeds, the greater the appetite grows. With the only oversight an oblivious congressional panel, the Intelligence Machine was bound to test the full extent of its reach, sticking its nose into the private parts of the American public like a pig snouting for truffle. Anyone who would expect the NSA to behave politely is naïve.

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? (Latin, “who will guard the guards, themselves?”)

– Juvenal, Roman poet 2000 years ago

Which brings us to the crossroads… as deceptions are uncovered, where will the Intelligence Machine go from here? Julian Assange and Edward Snowden (quirky, smarmy, creepy fellows as fellows go) have haphazardly made our secrets public, which has pissed-off the targets of American spying (American public, countless American allies and… the Vatican!?), stunting American diplomacy and anti-terrorism collaboration into the unforeseeable future. Will their efforts rewrite the programming of the Intelligence Machine, scaling back its advances? Will Assange and Snowden be written about as heroes in tomorrow’s history books? Or will the transnational Military Industrial Complex whitewash the record of American trespasses, adapt to the transparent environment and overcome by innovating new methods of duplicity? My money is on the latter.

Who Watches the Watchmen?

Who Watches the Watchmen?