Posts Tagged ‘NDAA’

Once again…welcome to my house. Come freely. Go safely; and leave something of the happiness you bring.

― Bram StokerDracula

Living in the post-9/11 world is a drag if you are prone to dissidence. The United States has a hyper-active immune system, employing a host of white blood cell agencies to destroy anything remarkably unfamiliar by sending the invasive element to confinement in some secret prison or another. And eternal confinement is the best case scenario (though death-by-drone might be preferable to constant water-boarding in a Croatian cement hole). What began with the aloof Commander-in-Chief GWB after September 11th, 2001, was an acceleration of National Security into a Police State Complex. In 2008, a new Chief took over. The candidate for “change” kept Guantanamo open despite campaign promises. In fact, President Obama has done everything to expand his power and limit that of the citizen. American citizens overseas have been targeted and annihilated by Obama’s pet drones. And Obama has the right to choose to take any uncooperative American citizen and essentially bury them in a foreign cell without benefit of a trial before peers. What’s more – the federal agencies responsible for protecting the citizenry have reverted back to old policies of the agent provocateur:  just look at the case of the Cleveland Five, where a few lost-soul stoners were recruited and entrapped into becoming terrorists. The Police State is grooming their own villains and if you are not careful, some agent provocateur may very well poison your well.

Or you could heed my advice.

(at the end of this blog, I have links to anti-National Defense Act and a great article on the “Cleveland 5” by Rolling Stone)

Rule 1 (because rules always come in multitudes and you need to begin somewhere): choose your friends, do not allow them to choose you. Be wary of anyone’s approach. Small talk is for assholes – do not engage in it. Do not trust anyone who backs their car into a parking space. People that back into parking spaces are assholes too – their disposition for reversing into spaces has to do with paranoia at their own duplicity, which is what drives them to such lengths to allow a quick-ish getaway. But enough of the small talk, avoid the senseless conversations with strangers. If they insist on small talk, engage in some alternative lunatic fringe speak to frighten them away. And if they do not fright – they are most exceptionally dangerous.

FOR EXAMPLE: whenever a stranger engages me on the weather or says good morning or something painfully ordinary like that, I revert to a discussion on PanspermiaPanspermia, at its heart, is a relatively sound scientific concept. In fact, unless you believe some unmoved mover created all that is heaven & earth, Panspermia is likely the key to the origins of life on Earth. Panspermia is a concept about how life began on this planet and the assumption that it derived from an extra-terrestrial (be it bacterial shite or fungus spore from some meteorite) element. Still, if you mention Panspermia enough times in a given paragraph, especially during a conversation with a nosey neighbor, chances are the irritant will likely excuse themselves and turn-tail. So Panspermia it is. “Looks like we may get some rain…” a wayward pedestrian mentions to me. I respond with, “Perhaps more Panspermia?” Note emphasis on the “sperm” root of the word. End of conversation, close the curtains because the scene is over.

Rule 2: do not trust those that are too closely like you. If you are on the grid, there is a file on you. The file has all of your credit card purchases, all of your library check-outs, all of your medical files and somewhere in Utah at Crypto-City the NSA has stored every single text, email and phone conversation you have had since 2004. It would be ridiculously easy for the powers-that-be to create a doppelgänger of you. Imagine – your own reflection walking into your life and wanting to be friends. “You like Battlestar Gallactica? So do I! Let’s be friends (forms the shape of a heart with hands).” This guy is an asshole and you do not need any more friends. Just move along…

Vic’s 6’3″ Doppleganger, or Father and/or DB Cooper

There is nothing more frightening to me than the thought of a doppelgänger. I am uncertain if I could co-exist with a fellow-me. A generational gap would be acceptable. Old Man Neverman and myself were essentially the same entity, just years apart. Part of me is suspicious that the old man wasn’t ME – Vic myself – sent back into time to swim out into the Gulf of Mexico and rescue younger me from certain peril, only to stick around as a father figure. I remember it well – my being a child and stupid and lost at sea and he, this elder me, mustachioed and swimming out to the rescue. But now that I realize it is unlikely I will never grow another 3 inches in height and that wearing a mustache is not coming into vogue anytime soon, I have come to accept that the doppelgänger posing as my father may very well have been a different person from me entirely. Perhaps even my biological father, if not DB Cooper. Or so I suspect…

Karlo Dubacki, a carpet salesman once accused of being Vic Neverman based on the resemblance of the mustache.

Either way, doppelgängers are dangerous. Of course, I once gravely feared doppelgängers because I was convinced that for a lad such as me, there could only be one possible lady candidate for mating (or at least willing to practicing the act of mating). If there were two of me and only one woman who would even conceive of a potential companionship with one of us, my likelihood of winning her over would be cut in half by the doubling of mes, you see. Since those dark years, however, I have learned that despite my paranoid schizophrenic behavior and my sharp canine teeth and my propensity for impersonating yeti, there are actually dozens upon dozens of women agreeable to shack up with the likes of me. Of course, many of them may very well be agent provocateurs.

Charlie NeverDog

This is what we writers call “a segue”.

Rule 3: be on the lookout for agent provocateurs. They may come from anywhere at any time. This is why I say to not allow others to choose you as a friend. I tend to distrust anyone new that arrives into my general sphere of proximity. Such distrust is helpful. Yet, there is a tragic flea in my mustard, dancing in an increasingly slow somber salsa as its wings cease to flutter against the yellowed anatagony – my flaw: I tend to go stupid in the company of beautiful women. I say this with hesitation because obviously I am showing my hand to all those card holders who oppose me. They now know all they need to defeat the mighty paranoia of Vic Neverman is to produce a lovely lady to twirl my sound sense into knots of nonsense. So be it. If I took half of the notches out of my headboard, I would likely be a much more prosperous individual. Would it be worth it? The core of this Vic responds with a resounding NO.

Rule 4: just get the hell off the grid. Jesse Ventura ran off to Mexico. You can too. In fact, I have decided to dedicate a new topic of conversation on my blog: “Escape the Grid” where I will outline some of my favorite places to escape to.

Stay tuned friend…

For an article on “the Cleveland Five”, a band of loser Occupy Wall Street protestors who were molded into terrorists, see below:

To know more about PANDA – People Against the National Defense Act, see below:


Alas! It is I, Vic Neverman, your faithful navigator upon the high treachery seas of conspiracy theory. Fresh, I am, back onto the societal grid. Fresh in every sense but scent, for my time off of said grid was entire hours of living in the vast scrub brush sands of the Florida pine lands and at least that long since I have, indeed, bathed. So quiet the alarm until I might clean the fresh kill out of my fingernails (the trail mix did not last long, except for the raisin particles embedded in the tips of my digits until being hammered free upon this here keyboard).

During my time of respite in the scrub, I received a few familiar, yet suspicious, visitors to my cozy wilderness camp. The first was that government-contracted spook of a brother-in-law to tell me he has been reassigned out west (likely to oversee the government bunker a mile beneath Denver International Airport where he, the triaged Executive/Legislative branches, and Tim Tebow will be spending the next Christmas holiday just in case the Mayan Apocalypse theories* prove true). My second visitor was long time ally, Raz Kelly, whose true intentions are still suspect due to her ties to both China and Israel (while she has saved my skin multiple times, her passport reads like a Tom Clancy novel and she’s had her gun pointed at my mid-section for the better part of the last decade). During these visits, I would show the guest my favorite spots – the idyllic view of the river from a gator sunning bed, the bamboo forest I hide within when I hear wild boar, and the tree I climb to view the campground where hippie backpackers celebrate the wilderness with orgiastic splendor. The questions from my guests inevitably arrive – ‘how long are you going to stay off the grid?’, ‘who are you hiding from this time?’, and ‘why are you wearing a fake beard over your real beard?’

*Note – the Mayan Apocalypse theories are inspired by the calendar of the Maya, but the theories are proposed, written, published by opportunistic gringo swindlers.

The primary reasoning behind my self-imposed exile is the rise of duel threats: the National Defense Authorization Act (NDAA) and proposed online piracy legislation. The NDAA is certainly most terrifying, but it was the arrival of the online piracy acts that sent me for the hills. Not that I am a pirate, by any stretch, but the anti-piracy legislation would have granted wide censorship privileges to an undisclosed power-that-be to deafen the voice of your humble navigator, one Vic Neverman. Fortunately, the pirates and my rants live on… at least until new legislation comes along that is more appealing to Google and Wikiwhatever.

While I still have a voice, let’s discuss this damn NDAA that Obama claimed he was going to veto before performing an about-face, signing the NDAA into existence on New Year’s Eve when the American public was busy congregating on the piss-and-champagne sick-slickened streets like herds of sticky-hooved cattle being led to the slaughter to the melody of Madonna as sung by Lady Gaga (I shiver in socio-phobic dread at the televised sight). Why would Obama be so discrete about signing this Act into Law? Because it brings the United States one step closer to a dystopian police state under the shadow of Obama’s drones patrolling overhead.

Upon return to the grid, I find a comment from a wayward friend – “Razor” Callahan, a championship meat smoker and reformed smuggler out of Florence, Alabama, “There needs to be an update to the novel 1984.” Indeed, I respond to Razor, and it shall be called “2012”.

At the risk of becoming the NDAA’s first victim, I shall expand upon this horrifying Act (with the ACLU on speed dial in case I am cut-off amidst typing stream). The NDAA lifts our right to Habeas Corpus, which is a Latin way of saying our protection against being imprisoned unlawfully. The United States Constitution very effectively demands, “the privilege of the writ of habeas corpus shall not be suspended, unless when in cases of rebellion or invasion they public safety may require it.” So what rebellion or invasion is there to justify such a suspension? None other than our figurative ‘War on Terror’. So until this conceptual battle is formally declared over, we are susceptible to unlawful imprisonment courtesy of the NDAA.

While the current administration has demonstrated great proficiency at blowing up terrorists (22 of the 30 most terroristicish, Obama claims), this conceptual ‘War’ is no closer to drawing to a close because of the collateral damage is, in fact, expanding the terror on both sides. Plus, this ‘War’ is going gangbusters for the Military Industrial Complex, whose special interests are highly looked after in Washington. Long story short – we’ve lost this constitutional right ofhabeas corpus for the foreseeable future.

Another Act that served as a second option if the NDAA did not pass is the Enemy Expatriation Act, which would effectively turn homebred enemies into ex-citizens and export them to some Romanian dungeon (subterranean Bucharest is lovely this time of year). The NDAA did pass, however, and now allows any American suspicious characters to be arrested and detained indefinitely. Who qualifies as ‘suspicious’? Colonel Lawrence Wilkerson, formerly Chief of Staff for Colin Powell, was interviewed on Russia Today last month and claimed the NDAA would be used against Occupy protestors. Whatever the NDAA is used for, be it to arrest protestors or ornery bloggers, the trial would not be in a public forum with a jury of peers, but rather held before a military tribunal.

I’ve reached out to my off-the-grid mentor, a socialist libertarian (the political persuasion that occurs when extreme left meets extreme right, otherwise known as “anarchist”) living in Montana, and he mentioned how up-in-arms the local militia-friendly NRA crowd is up there over the NDAA. This survivalist guru said that the Department of Defense (or whoever the unspecified judge of suspicion is in these matters) could imprison him based off his weapon arsenal and stock of food supply. Of course, his anti-government remarks do not help his cause, but I trust him. It would have been real easy for my visit to his cabin to end with his wife gutting me with her squirrel knife and their leaving my remains to the wolves in the Bob Marshall Wilderness and pawning off my belongings in Missoula. My mere existence is proof of their neighborliness. I will definitely speak to their character, but then, whose going to believe me if I too am suspect?

Suddenly, the Florida scrub brush doesn’t seem so cozy. The palmettos appear too short to offer cover from the drones and spy blimps overhead. Perhaps it is time to offer fealty to the government-contracted spook brother-in-law of mine in hopes he can get me a cubby hole under Cheyenne Mountain to hide.

It is a paranoid new world we live in…

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the killer drones of America; and to the NDAA, with which it sends, anyone who looks funny to eternal damnation.

In an effort to more clearly define the military’s ability to detain American citizens, the National Defense Authorization Act was passed by Congress in December, 2011, without being vetoed by the White House. This bill, supported by Senators John McCain and Lindsey Graham, allows Americans to be detained without trial and held indefinitely at overseas bases, like Guantanamo Bay in Cuba. While terror-suspects have already been susceptible to American dungeons abroad, it had yet to be justified via act of Congress.

This act allows our paranoid government to judge based on suspicion, exiling even the slightest outspoken critic of policy without having to worry about the burden of proof. Exile is a very effective censorship policy. Let us imagine a hypothetical, where some supposed government critic, we will call Dick Everman for the sake of this story, speaks out against the current regime and just so happens to have once dated a chick who was a radical animal rights activist*. Could this alone be enough to suspect Dick and send him overseas indefinitely? Without any government accountability or a trial by jury, it seems possible. Imagine, then, Dick Everman arriving at some malarial summer camp of ne’er-do-wells that includes Islamic extremists, anarchists, eco-terrorists, and other conspiracy bloggers. Dick’s best bet for survival would be to join one of the prison camp gangs, probably one of the jihadist clubs, which would require some indoctrination of faith, a few packs of cigarettes, on-demand sexual favors, and perhaps shanking some bitch from the rival gang. Surreal? Sure, but not out of the question.

*Animal rights bombers are now considered to be amongst FBI’s most wanted –

In response to the NDAA, Montana law-makers are actually trying to recall** their two senators that signed off on the act. Across the web, national security activists are speaking out. Unfortunately, most of these activists are racist militia rednecks whose bigoted zeal makes the NDAA sound like the smart choice.

**Article on the Montana senator recall –

Exporting suspicious Americans is especially alarming given the fact the US drone program has been blowing up Americans in Yemen. While those deaths were of terrorists who likely deserved to have their mortal coil shuffled off, the precedent of assassinating Americans without a jury of peers is frightening. Unless you consider Skynet to be a fucking peer.

What is called for is more transparency. If we are going to pack up the undesirable citizens and send them south, there must be a due process for examining these cases, the results of which must be made available to the public. The same for these illegal droning missions. While these strikes do require the use of intelligence best kept confidential, at some point, these strikes need to be justified. I am okay with the CIA asking forgiveness instead of permission, but these drone attacks need to be scrutinized. Death-dealing drones work magnificently at doing the dirty work and keeping American boots off the ground, but if you look at the collateral damage in the pictures of children left dead or lame in the wake of our secret drone war in Pakistan, then you will understand why we must find a way to curb the destruction.

Shit, writing a blog such as this one might just be enough to get our hypothetical Dick Everman renditioned to a secret dungeon in Bahrain for a little torture-by-proxy. Let us hope not.

Happy New Year!