Archive for the ‘Celebrity Death Conspiracy’ Category

The popularity of conspiracy theories, according to this bloke, is similar to that of religion – they help explain the brutal randomness of life. Religion, regardless of persuasion, is comforting as it gives meaning to the meaningless by assuming the Powers-that-Be have a Master Plan. Conspiracy theories too assume the masterminding conspirators have a plan, just usually one that tends to be more malevolent than today’s popular deities.

“What’s this?” You may very well be asking yourself right now. “Is he mad? Does Vic think paranoid folk find solace in conspiracy theories the way I find solace sacrificing feral cats to Shiva the Destroyer?”

Yes, indeed. When something as powerfully damaging to the psyche, like the events of 9/11, occurs we are left feeling vulnerable by how random the loss of life is. If there is prevailing conspiracy theory we can adopt, the randomness of such a hostile event fades into something more manageable. Horror is more digestible when there is pre-chewed causality for us to swallow.

Take the example of the chronic school shootings… either we, as a society, are seriously ill OR perhaps the Illuminati is testing out their Manchurian Candidates. Conspiracy theories are often implausible, but involve a flesh & blood enemy (Illuminati are the conspiracy theorist de facto boogieman) when in this case the likely cause, an ill society, is too abstract and random to digest.

When it comes to the deaths of beloved celebrities, the same holds true. “Elvis lives!” claims (s)he who cannot digest the randomness of the King’s death atop a commode. Conspiracy around the events of a celebrity’s demise is another way the obsessed fans find solace. Combine that with the fact the only thing Western culture loves more than the rise of a new star is their downfall. Schadenfreude – finding joy in the misery of others – is the root of Reality Television. Because of this, celebrity deaths garner attention from more than just the adoring fan. High profile deaths are perfect fodder for conspiracy theories, which brings us to this present blog post.

Friends, Paranoids, Countrymen, lend me your eyes… I come here not to praise conspiracy theories, but to bury them. With this blog theme I plan to examine, perhaps even critique, celebrity conspiracy theories. The list is long and this post will be ever alive with new theories. Let us begin with three…

Paul Walker (9/12/1973 – 11/30/2013)

Paul Walker, known for his car-driving protagonist Brian O’Connor in the Fast & Furious series, died in the fires of a car accident in California. He and his friend Roger Rodas shared a mutual demise when the Porsche Rodas was driving crashed into a tree and sparked quite the fire. Police say speed was a factor.

The fierce tree that brought an end to Paul Walker

The fierce tree that brought an end to Paul Walker

If they were driving a Prius at the speed limit, this story would be more suspicious. Conspiracy theories concocted to explain this tragedy range from the bizarre (The Family Guy cartoon show killed off a character, Brian, in a car crash during a recent episode) to the illogical (it’s a Public Relations hoax to promote an already popular movie franchise). One theorist opined that the car accident death of a star of car racing movies was too coincidental, which is not sound thinking. If I go sky-diving every day, there is a greater chance of me dying in a sky-diving accident. That isn’t coincidental, it is statistically more probable. Another theory by the unfortunately named reality television celebrity, Tila Tequila, claims Paul Walker’s death was a ritualistic murder by the occult Illuminati. Could death-by-flaming-Porsche actually be a ritual?

As of yet, there is no evidence of foul play. Until there is, this conspiracy gets 0 out of 5 NeverStars.

Brittany Murphy (11/10/1977 – 12/20/2009)

Brittany, an actress popular for her roles in Clueless and Sin City, died at the age of 32 to pneumonia complicated by severe iron deficiency/anemia and a range of legal over-the-counter cold medications. In the last 3+ years of her life, she lived with her husband Simon Monjack and her mother Sharon Murphy. Six months later, Simon Monjack was found dead in the same house, also of pneumonia and severe anemia. Your pattern recognition red flag should be planted here. Official theory is there was a mold problem in the household. Yeah, no shit.

Brittany Murphy, Hollywood Starlet

Brittany Murphy, Hollywood Starlet

The conspiracy theory is presented by Brittany’s estranged father and convicted racketeer, Angelo Bertolotti, and a pseudo-journalist whistleblower, Julia Davis. Julia Davis, a self-described expert in immigration, went to the FBI years ago to blow her whistle about Homeland Security allowing illegal access to the United States to potential terror suspects, which started a campaign of oppression against her. Julia Davis’ lone champion? According to Julia and Angelo Bertolotti, it was Brittany Murphy. In recent promotions of the movie and book Julia Davis has underway, she and Bertolotti suggest Homeland Security poisoned both Brittany Murphy and her husband Simon Monjack as retaliation for their support of Julia Davis.

Chances of conspiracy? 0.5 out of 5 NeverStars only because of the moldy coincidence, if nothing else. Sharon Murphy, the live-in mom, says her daughter didn’t know anything about Julia Davis and that Angelo Bertolotti “didn’t come out of the woodwork” until his daughter became famous in Hollywood. Let us also take the point-of-view of an alleged conspirator for a moment… If there you were to sneaky assassinate via poison someone, why not stick mold down the windpipe of the whistle blower? Why use the same technique against a Hollywood starlet and her widower? This seems like a conspiracy of convenience to draw legitimacy to Julia Davis.

Sonny Bono (2/16/1935 – 1/5/1998)

California Congressman Sonny Bono, of “Sonny and Cher” fame (he was the former), was a musician and a politician. He died while skiing in Lake Tahoe when he hit a tree. What was a tragic event on a family vacation is actually fairly suspicious, partly because the accident occurred when Sonny was skiing alone, allowing for no eyewitness account of how the side of his head met the tree.

Bono’s widow claimed Sonny was on painkillers, explaining the meds made him foolish enough to launch himself into a tree, blacking his eye, knocking out teeth, and fracturing his skull. The Republican Congressman must have hit every branch.

Republican Congressman Sonny Bono

Republican Congressman Sonny Bono

Former FBI Agent, Ted Gunderson disagrees with the official story. He claims that Sonny Bono was about to launch a congressional investigation into the involvement of American officials in Central American gun and drug trading. Gunderson claims Sonny’s death was orchestrated to silence the congressman.

2 out of 5 NeverStars here, this is a legitimate conspiracy theory. The motive is absolutely plausible and unofficial forensic reports suspect Sonny was actually struck repeatedly by a round, blunt, instrument held by a left-handed attacker while Sonny was being held up by another assailant.