Feral Kid, Grunt!: A Spin-Off from Mad Max Road Warrior

Posted: May 7, 2015 in Neverman Film & Music
Tags: , , ,

Purists of George Miller’s Mad Max Trilogy often insist on the superiority of the second installment, Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior. It is this devotion to Road Warrior which has the orthodox purists (Thunderdome deniers) so enthused over the arrival of George Miller’s 4th installment to the franchise Mad Max: Fury Road. When watching Fury Road trailers, it is clear this movie harps back to the simpler mad-dash formula of Road Warrior – Max in a truck being chased on a harrowing ninety minute drive through apocalyptic wasteland.

In the movie Road Warrior, Mel Gibson’s second turn as Max Rockatansky, the titular character manages to save a village of oil hording people against the marauding band of Lord Humungus’s beserkers. What shan’t be unnoticed, however, is the great unsung hero of Road Warrior: “the Feral Child”, a wild mute with a mullet and a refined boomeranging skill, who sees in Max a worthwhile Armageddon father figure.

In the closing moments of the film, this Road Warrior sequel to Mad Max, Max Rockatansky hobbles down the highway as Feral Child flies off into the sunset with the other survivors to rebuild civilization. The narration, we learn, is from the Feral Child himself in the far distant future after he learned to speak the English language.

As for me, I grew to manhood, and in the fullness of time, I became the leader… the Chief of the Great Northern Tribe. And the Road Warrior? That was the last we ever saw of him. He lives now… only in my memories.

But whatever happened to Feral Child between the climax of Road Warrior and the beginnings of the next civilization? The answer of this question is the premise of the story.

I present to you: Feral Kid, Grunt! a television concept collaboration between Vic Neverman and Reverend Chette.

In this spin-off from Road Warrior, Feral Kid has aged into a fetching Feral Teenager, who still grunts bestially whenever he requires more salt on his snake-on-a-stick supper. In fact, he has been endearingly handed the moniker of “Grunt” by his fellow travelers. Grunt is not short of intelligence, he just hasn’t quite gotten used to utilizng his tongue for anything other than polishing his cherished boomerang. While the world is still an absolute shit-storm, Grunt is faced with typical questions posed to any teenager coming into manhood, such as how does he get his own set of wheels so he can pick up chicks.

The boys from Mud should be old enough. Cast whichever one looks best in a mullet.

The boys from Mud should be old enough. Cast whichever one looks best in a mullet.

We’ll present it to NetFlix and Yahoo or any of the other streaming services popping up like zits on Blaster’s back (sorry Mad Max purists for my Thunderdome reference, but I love me some Master-Blaster). We’ll cast some kid who looks good in a mullet. Maybe the kid from Mud. Or even better, the other kid from Mud.  Now here is the gimmick that is going to make this work… As Grunt grunts to teenage girls he is sweet on, captions are provided to the audience at home interpreting the illegible sound into sweet poetry and Outback pseudo-science.

Below are some sample scenes from the conceptual romantic comedy sitcom Feral Kid, Grunt! using shots of the original actor along with scripted dialogue and the accompanying interpretation:

Scene 1: Grunt confesses his love…

grunt solemn

“Mnnh. Mnnfh!”

{Oh Sweet Warrior Girl with your feathery earrings, I would gaze into the sun until it blinded me if only it would bring your cool lips to my face in an act of angelic mercy}

Scene Two: Feral Kid, Grunt makes a little money grooming wayward travelers.

Grunt shave

“Mrrryah? Mrrrylll?”

{a little more off the top, Mister Pappagallo?}

Scene Three: our hero, Grunt, tells a joke.

Grunt smile

“Urrrngh. Uh-Urgggg.”

{So the Bishop says to the Actress, ‘you must have had asparagus lately’.}

grunt hungrier

“Ngyaaaah? Gaaaaah!”

{Get it? Asparagus? Because her pee smells funny!}

Scene Four: Grunt gets philosophical…

grunt inquistive

“Mnnrrrr.”

{What is beauty without man to observe it? What is love without man to possess it? Animals do not comprehend these things, only man. And it is man which has destroyed it all to shit.}

Scene Five: Feral Kid, Grunt calls his mobile phone company’s customer service.

grun hungry

“Oyyyahghgh? Hnh-Hnh-Daaaaaah!”

{Charge me for what? I haven’t had reception since before the ‘Poxyclipse’! It figures the only things still alive in the world after the nuclear holocaust are cockroaches and your fucked manners!}

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