Destroyer: the Oregon Spy heads Southeast

Posted: January 20, 2011 in paranoid life
Tags: , ,

“An engineer has a mind to build things and a knack for taking them back apart.”
– A member of the Dude Collective, speaking anonymously about Dan the Destroyer

I am not sure how he found me. Certainly, I recognized the Washington DC area code and quickly thought of Dan the Destroyer. But how did he track me down? How is it someone from the Pacific Northwest happens to be in my Floridian neighborhood. I listened to his cryptic message and immediately called him back. I wasn’t calling his bluff, Dan the Destroyer doesn’t fuck around when he ups the ante. I merely wished to call his bet to see his cards.

Years ago, after relocating to Oregon, when I was introduced to the men who made up the Dude Collective, Dan the Destroyer had already infiltrated their circle. I assumed, naturally, that this man who dressed as Big Lebowski’s the Jesus the first night I met him was just another one of the gang. It wasn’t until I was properly initiated into the ranks of the Dude Collective and Dan left on a beer run that the other men, nudged me, pointing at Dan’s departure and implicated, “He’s a narc.”

A narc? A fed? Sent to spy on the Dude Collective? But why…?

The Dude Collective is an alias I use to describe the clandestine Bohemian brotherhood I joined in Portland. Each member was an artist, a philosopher, and often times a theologist. There were politicians, poets, and even a few bartenders. Certainly, we had some dangerous ideas, but were we really a threat to the Establishment with all the marijuana in the air (smoke from the plant is what causes the meteorological oddity of 300 days of overcast skies)? I thought us harmless. I was on the lam from a police state, I did not wish to enter into another fascist playground. Portland was supposed to be my escape, somewhat of the antithesis of Chicago.

“Oregon has the highest per capita anarchists, agnostic/atheists, breweries and strip clubs. That is a dangerous combination” a member of the Dude Collective explained the monitoring of Big Brother, aka Dan the Destroyer. “The Establishment just provides a lot of bodies to intermingle and gather intelligence. Data is analyzed, reports are made, presentations are given, and the secret spy budget gets raised. Domestic espionage, basically the American government spying on its own people, is its own micro-economy. Think of all the people employed thanks to this program.”

And with that sort of liberal thinking, the group of moderates and leftists nodded their approval for the loss of their liberty.

Dan always quick with a beer for Vic Neverman

“<Dan the Destroyer is a spy. He was bred in Michigan, educated in engineering but trained in spy-craft in DC (probably Quantico or Langley, VA), and sent to Portland to listen, record, and report on the goings on of our Dude Collective. Always the first to put another pint of beer in your hand, Dan the Destroyer must have done well collecting our deepest darkest secrets as it was never too long before we were drunk enough to stop caring who he worked for and began confiding any and everything.

And now… He is coming to Florida. But why and to what end?


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